Loveless, with love
by Shizu-ruu
Summary: Series of Shizaya/Izuo drabbles. Currently: [funerals] - They've never been too close but they still cared for each other. /HIATUS
1. it's all because?

**A/N: This will be the place for me to post all my shorter stories and drabbles. This one is rather angsty but I promise to write something with a happy ending one day. Hehee, one day... **

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Durarara! or/and any of its characters.**

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**[it's all because...?]**

He's staring in the mirror. Clenching the smooth porcelain of sink in his fists as if it was his only escape. He inspects his own injuries, counts them with the curiosity of pre-schooler when counting some bug's legs. But there are only bruises, scratches, sometimes even blood on his face, neck, body - covering it desperately, clinging on to him. Dull eyes stalk their mirage. Although the color didn't in fact change, the vivid crimson became a blurred brown - chestnut color.

Now he moves a little closer, pressing his forefinger to one particularly deep wound right under his right eye and smudged the red liquid across his cheek with fascination before dipping his head under the lukewarm water and scrubbing the torn and abused skin. When he's finally done he stays there a little bit longer - without a reason, really.

"It's because he loves me."

He remembers their first kiss back in high school when everything was just so easy. And the celebration of the New Year six years ago.

"It's because he loves me."

He imagines the coffee tinted orbs full of love, care and adoration in front of him. The blissful heat he felt when he was in his arms.

_"It's because he loves me."_

It's only above a whisper. A mantra he keeps repeating to himself although the now cold water streaming down his face is joined by another - hot and salty - his tears. Although he knows that he's only trying tu persuade himself. Somewhere deep within him there's a part of him that knows that a relationship like this isn't healthy, that his best friend told him the truth, that he should pack his stuff and leave, that those purplish marks on the pale skin aren't ones of love, that Shizuo leaves every second night on a date with the blonde whore he fuc- no, he makes love with.

And also that he won't ever do anything to change it because he's more scared to be without him than to be with him.

"It's because he loves me!"

He screamed and sobbed, face contorted in a ruined grimace.

And he remembers hearing those words from the other one before Shizuo started having those tendencies. But it's okay, what wouldn't he do for Shizuo? He just needs to vent his frustration and Izaya is always happy to help.

Without a reason, really.

**_(it's because he loves him)_**


	2. sleeping beauty

**A/N: Yeah, this one isn't as good. But still I like something about it. This one is a really short drabble that I wrote recently.**

**Disclaimer****: I do not own Durarara! or/and any of its characters.**

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**[sleeping beauty]**

"Shizu-chan," he whispers in a hoarse voice.

"You shouldn't sleep in front of your enemy. What if I attacked you now, hm?" he continued as he held the blond's body, frowning at the coolness of his skin.

"Aren't you cold Shizu-chan?" he wonders, although Shizuo doesn't hear him. He keeps stroking his hair in a strangely affectionate matter. He has to untangle some of it, but Shizuo still doesn't move.

Sirens can be heard outside the house as blue and red lights up the room. Two men enter the house, armed with guns. They're wearing all black and when they spot the raven on the floor they freeze.

"Shh..." Izaya puts his finger to his lips "You'll wake Shizu-chan up."

"Sir, we need you to hand over the body and come with us," one of the policemen finally says.

Izaya frowns at that. "Don't talk about Shizu-chan like he's a piece of meat. He may be monstrous but he's still technically a human." He almost hisses at the end of the sentence, his eyes narrowed as he holds the older man close. "By the way, I'm not handing him to you only so you can experiment on him, you know? Shizu-chan wouldn't like that. Using someone while they're asleep is not fair, ne?" he continued, his voice raspy and tired.

The dark-haired man is a little bloodied and scarred, but he doesn't really mind the fact. All he needs right now is the hair he's been stroking, that not-so-warm body against his and the peaceful expression Shizuo has when he sleeps in his arms, despite all the red liquid in his hair and on his forehead. He still looks beautiful.

"Sir, I am sorry to say this, but the body you're holding is clearly dead."

Izaya stares at him with a curious expression for a while until bursting out laughing. Of course he keeps the volume down - he doesn't want to wake up Shizuo. "Haha, you're so funny. Shizu-chan can't die. He's a monster. Immortal. He just doesn't die."

But by the end of the sentence he starts closing his eyes slowly. Everything seems a bit too dizzy.

"Sir! Sir? Are you alright?" one of the officers rushes to his side.

"Ahaa, Shizu-chan, I'm a bit tired. Let's take a nap together, ne?"

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_(I love the taste of death _  
_as it lingers on my tongue_  
_burying me underneath itself)_


	3. unbreakable

**A/N: More of a long-ish thing I wrote for a 100 themes challenge. This was number 5: unbreakable. I like it more in the beginning... Oh, well...**

**Disclaimer****: I do not own Durarara! or/and any of its characters.**

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**[unbreakable]**

He stares in disbelief, his pale and beautiful features illuminated by the full moon. He looks tired but somehow still very much awake. He's soaked in blood.

Blood of Shizuo Heiwajima.

He starts giggling and soon he is laughing out loud, screaming the monster's name, slowly drifting off into insanity. But if you look closely you may discover the small frown and few tears streaming down his face. And you recognize him as Izaya Orihara. His short raven hair is dirty because of a red liquid, his crimson eyes dull and melancholic, his favorite fur-trimmed jacket ripped to shreds. And he won, he won and he lost at the same time, but it's too late to realize that now, isn't it? He calms down and lies down next to a blond corpse in a bartender outfit, looking rather broken. As he turns to face the still wide mocha orbs he raises a hand to the older man's cheek.

"Shizu-chan... You were supposed to be the ultimate toy. Unbreakable."

It's only a silent whisper but it makes his voice crack.

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_(flashback)_

"I think... I may... Fuck! I love you."

The raven looks knowingly at the furiously blushing blond who averts his gaze. It's laughable really, the monster seriously expects him, the god to grant such an inhuman beast as Shizuo a privilege worthy of another god? Now what shall he do, what shall he earn from this situation, there are so many options, so many delicious options to choose from. He frowns and then fakes the shiniest and brightest smile possible.

"Well then, I'm glad the feeling is mutual," he says in a deadly sweet voice.

Yeah, as if he could ever even like the awful creature wreaking havoc on _his_ lovely city full of _his _humans.

The blond looks up with a genuinely surprised and happy expression.

_'Fool...'_

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_(flashback)_

"What the hell? You're useless Shizuo, you're a damn idiot! Monster! Breaking everything!"

Izaya was beyond angry when he came down the stairs and saw that the blond 'accidentally' had too tight grip on the pan and managed to snap it in half. Shizuo had a hurt and apologetic look on his face when the raven scooped up the broken machinery from him and throws it in the bin.

"Sorry..."

"You're sorry? Well you should be! I'm an idiot for letting you stay here overnight. It's way more than you deserve. Just get out of my sight!"

Shizuo suddenly had tears welling up in his eyes because he knows that everything Izaya said was true. He'd always been bothering other people and now he does that to the one person that he loves and that loves him back. He felt like a monster- no, he was a monster. He should have known that he would only make trouble for other people.

_'After all, he loves me.'_

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_(flashback)_

_Dragging the blond out of the bar. Yelling at him something about 'irresponsibility' and 'fools'. Getting a cab, paying a crazy amount of money for it. Getting him out of the car and to the elevator. Almost carrying him to the bathroom to wash away the horrible stench. Rubbing circles on his back when he throws up. Dressing him in a T-shirt to sleep in. Tucking him under the covers and laying an arm over the man when he cuddles closer. Sighing in irritation._

_Thinking about the turn this game has taken. How wrong it is and yet how strangely relaxing it feels. How human it feels. Being disgusted by the thought and reaching a resolve._

_'I need to break him again.'_

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_(flashback)_

The constant thrusting made him kind of bored. It's not as if he didn't feel any pleasure but it's so different from feeling the blond around him. He was getting annoyed by the loud moans that erupted from his secretary.

_'Just how long does it take him to get here?'_

And that was exactly when Shizuo decided to come home, dropping his keys when his eyes landed on the scene. Izaya pulled out and pretended to be sorry while Namie blushed furiously and got dressed within a record time.

"Shizu-"

"I- I'll just... Dammit. What do I do?" with this the blond had his eyes watering and looked up to the ceiling and a broken snicker escaped his lips. "I'm so stupid. Do- Do I come back or-?"

Shizuo. He never ceased to surprise Izaya. Right now he was asking _him_ what to do. He could use this to his own benefit.

"Namie get out. I need to talk to him."

Izaya was now glaring at the woman that quickly slid past Shizuo with a terrified expression. He turned his attention back to the sobbing brute slowly making his way to him and leading him to sit on the couch. Another pathetic whimper escaped Shizuo.

_'Gotcha!'_

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_(flashback)_

The rain was freeing. It was coming down in long streams, increasing when the wind blew really hard. It struck the ex-bartender's face.

_**"I'm sorry Shizu-chan but loving a monster is impossible. It was pity all along"**_

Of course. And the raven was so kind as to let Shizuo sleep under his roof, to kiss him, pick him up when he got drunk and bail him out when he needed it. Shizuo felt like such an idiot for thinking it was real.

He figured out that a shot in head was a bearable yet a safe way to die.

_'I wonder... Are monsters allowed to heaven? I would like to go there... with you...'_

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_(present time)_

"Even you had your limits, huh? Well then Shizuo, shall we dance?"

_'I would love to meet you in "heaven" Shizu-chan. Although it's impossible, ne?'_

**BANG**

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**A/N: So, review pretty please? **


	4. shattered glass

**A/N: Hello humans! This was originally a prologue to a story but turned out to be just a drabble since I didn't have enough time to finish it. It would be lovely if you could leave a review (and if there's some positive response I may post the other parts of this)**

**Enjoy!**

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**[shattered glass]**

It's interesting from how many angles you can watch a certain situation and it always fascinated Izaya Orihara - maybe even more than the actual results of watching from such an angle. It was amazing how many possibilities showed themselves upon looking in all the right places. That's why he was seeking attention - to simply discover brand new points of view. It was the uniqueness but at the same time predictability that drew him close to his beloved humans.

If you looked at the current situation Izaya Orihara was in from different angles, you'd discover many things.

For example, if you were Shizuo Heiwajima, you'd enjoy the thrill of adrenaline rushing through your vein, pale skin growing red under your hands and the sticky crimson substance on your index finger. And you'd be bathing in the joy of strangling your archenemy to death. Your thoughts would be void of all basic sense because of the animosity taking over you. Slowly, you'd let that crazy grin appear on your face and raise one of the hands from your enemy's neck.

On the other side, if you were Izaya Orihara, your mind would be overwhelmed by thoughts. You'd be wondering how did it come to this and since when did your little games possess such extreme acts of violence. You'd think about your little sisters and how they'd celebrate your sudden disappearance. You'd start reviewing your life, every single thing you've done in the past few years. And also you'd be thinking about what the brute would do with your body. And then there came the feelings. The insecurity of having your mask put down and trembling in fear because of the beginning insanity showing itself in your nemesis' eyes. You'd try to escape the fingers nearing your face only to find out that resistance is futile - after all this was Ikebukuro's beast pinning you down. You'd find yourself closing your eyes tightly only to have them forced open by two of the other male's fingers. The confused feeling in the beginning would get replaced by horrific realization later on.

And if you were just a passerby, your blood would freeze because of the painful shrieks and loud sobs coming from the corner of the alleyway. After turning your gaze to unveil the truth you'd notice the Ikebukuro's fortissimo with an insane look straddling down a raven haired male. And then you'd see all the blood covering the scene and that the raven was covering his eyes - well at least the two empty holes where those should have been, curling up in a ball in the corner. You'd stare in terror at the scene in front of you - small, vulnerable raven leaning against a wall, his chest rising shakily and tears and blood making trails on his face, not making the slightest attempt to move.

At last, if you had the chance to watch the upcoming events from Shinra Kishitani's point of view, you'd be sickened and horrified, your mind blanked by fury towards whoever did this to your childhood friend, ignoring the slight shock from seeing Izaya and Shizuo walk in together - or better said: Shizuo carrying a whimpering Izaya in. After doing all you can to sterilize the area, you'd give up at trying to save the other's eye sight, covering the two bloodied eye sockets with a gauze.

That's what made humans so interesting - the many views of the world, the countless situations, random meetings and accidents. But the shaking creature in the corner, speechless didn't show any sign of interest in observing the situation, replaying it again and again from different angles as he would if it all didn't happen to him.

Because this Orihara Izaya lost himself by becoming human.

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**A/N: Review pretty, pretty please? Reviews inspire me, tell me what to do better, seriously! If you find this way too confusing, tell me! If you find it OOC, tell me! As long as it's not flaming, I accept all kinds of constructive criticism! **

**BTW the Delizaya oneshot I'm planning has 2.5k words so it's going to be done in few days! I expect it to be about 4k words long so... yeah...**


	5. tears

**A/N: A quick drabble, requested recently. Non-shipping.**

**I do not own Durarara! and/or any of its characters.**

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**[tears]**

He hates all of humanity.

Hates their weaknesses. Hates the way they think they're always right. Hates their pride, their cruelty, their unconditional hatred. Hates the way they preach love, yet their hearts are rotten.

Ah yes.

That's what lead him in this kind of situation after all.

Why are humans like that? Why can't they accept someone, only because he's different? Roppi didn't do it on purpose, no, he didn't want to be like this, didn't want to have red eyes, didn't want to be gay, something so disgusting to those ignorant people.

Didn't want to have feelings for one of his classmates. What he wanted, was to keep it a secret. to stay hidden and never show up. So when his notebook got stolen, he knew he had to run-

-far away from those angry people

-far away from all those memories

-far away from bats and chains and knives

-far away.

Didn't want those tears streaming down his face, as he coughed up blood, his body way too tired.

Haha.

Hahahaha.

Hahahhahahahahahha.

How not funny at all...

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**A/N: Ah, this one was... quick. Well never mind.**

**Have a nice day!**


	6. tease

**Name: Tease**

**Rating: M**

**Summary: Poor Shizuo has a weakness that no one other but his worst enemy knows about. He may not be weak to pain but he is weak to pleasure**

**Warnings: molestation, groping, dubcon**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara! and/or any of its characters.**

**Prompt:**** Izaya/Shizuo- groping in public, dubcon/noncon, molestation******

**Izaya is **_**constantly**_**flirting with and groping Shizuo. In public. Whispering lewd, sexy comments in his ear that leave him flustered and blushing. When they're having those fights where no one is around Izaya manages to molest poor Shizuo (I don't know how that would work with Shizuo's strength so don't have to include the molestation, anons.)******

**Shizuo complains about how Izaya is a sick pervert to Shinra one day and he's like 'Pshh, no way, you're probably just misreading his actions.' or something. Shizuo won't go into details to get him to believe him, because what manly man gets molested and groped by a flea?******

**Anyway, just Flirting!Izaya x FlusteredWTFMAN?!SHizuo**

**A/N: Fuck, I just shouldn't be allowed to browse through the kinkmeme because I want to take up so many wonderful requests starting with this one! BTW there are three new parts for RCF on drrkink so fans should take a look! This... I just needed it to be a oneshot. May or may not continue this if I have time when the school starts again.**

No one was supposed to know of this weakness he had. _Especially_ not the flea.

So why was this happening then?

It started off simply because of a mistake. Him and Izaya were in the middle of one of their passionate fights when suddenly Izaya dodged a punch so that he slipped behind Shizuo-

-and accidentaly slapped his behind with his hand.

Now that wouldn't be such a problem if Shizuo hadn't gone completely red and a moan escaped his lips before he could cover them.

Both stared at each other in complete silence. Shizuo seriously thought he would never live this down. And as Shizuo quietly wished for a hole to appear under him so he could fall into it and live in it for the rest of his life, Izaya smirked and whispered in Shizuo's ear:

"Ah, is this what you wanted all along? Now that's interesting. You look so cute with a blush like that!"

The following weeks were torture – Izaya was using the new info he had about Shizuo and groped, flirted with and humiliated Shizuo in all the right ways to make him all hot and bothered by the end of the day. The thought of being aroused by Izaya disgusted Shizuo but he couldn't help the fact that this strength made him super-sensitive to any kind of pleasure. And it didn't even have to be considered pleasure by other people he soon found out.

But hell, he'd gotten this strength for a reason, hadn't he and it was definitely supposed to help him now!

...so why could he not move from the spot on the train he took, while skillful hands groped and squeezed his ass?

He bit the corner of his mouth, trying hard not to make any embarrassing sounds. Not because there would be other people – the train was actually completely empty at this hour, but because he didn't want to let Izaya win again.

The humiliation itself made blood rush to all the wrong places and it was so wrong, so wrong to be aroused by this, but fuck it-

"Nnn- stop," he pleaded, leaning against the door in front of him (fearing his legs might give out if he didn't do so).

"Oh and why would I do that when you look so adorable like this, Shizu-chan?" the male behind him teased in a sultry voice and gave a particularly hard squeeze.

"Aaah-nnh!" Shizuo couldn't stop the lewd noises from escaping him as pleasurable tingles rolled all over his body to his crotch.

"N-nno, stop this ahh!" he tried once again, completely opposing his words by inching closer to Izaya's hands.

"Mmm, don't think so... You know-" Izaya started and started slipping his hand towards the rim of Shizuo's pants "-I seriously thought I'd never-" and let that hand travel downwards to caress Shizuo's half-hard cock "-figure out any of your weaknesses."

Shizuo shamefully bucked into the hand that was now teasing his tip with a thumb and slowly started moving up and down the length.

"But in the end it's just as easy as this – you can't resist pleasure and look!" with those words Izaya pinched one of his butt cheeks firmly, making Shizuo squirm and moan "-you are a masochist too!"

"N-not true-aah, please st-stop!" he tried once again, the feeling of Izaya's hand making him go crazy.

"Oh and just what would happen to poor Shizu-chan if I did? Someone would surely use the oppoturnity and slam their thick cock into Shizu-chan's dirty ass," Izaya whispered in his ear and bit slightly.

x_x

"Shinra..." the bodyguard began, not really sure what to say as Shinra passed him a glass of milk and sat on a the coffee table in front of him.

The doctor didn't speak, seeing as Shizuo still wasn't done talking. Otherwise it would be a very shitty speech.

"You know Izaya well, don't you?" Shizuo finally whispered – almost as if he would summon the informant by saying his name.

Shinra giggled a little and took a sip of the coffee he prepared for himself.

"Ah, I guess you could say that," he nodded. "Why?"

Shizuo blushed furiously and averted his gaze. How was he supposed to explain this?

"I... uhh... he's been saying some... inappropriate stuff to me and like... touches me?" Shizuo tried hard to explain his situation without embarrassing himself.

"That it? Aah, don't worry about that at all, he doesn't know what personal space is... And what namely has he said?" Shinra laughed it off.

Shizuo blushed even harder, remembering the perverted (yet sexy) comments Izaya was making for the past months.

"Uh... nothing I guess. Sorry to have intruded on you. I- I should go," he stuttered a bit and stumbled out of the apartment without letting Shinra say anything and running outside on the street. There he leaned against the wall and breathed deeply. He'd just almost let his biggest secret out! What a mistake that would have been.

He wanted to stand up properly again and walk away when all of a sudden a shadow appeared behind him and whispered in his ear.

"Whatever could you be doing at Shinra's, Shizu-chan, you naughty boy you!"

Ah this was hell indeed.


	7. funerals

**A/N: A drrkink drabble. Orihara angst + implied shizaya**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara!**

**I love reviews!**

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It may seem like they didn't care about each other but they did. While Mairu and Kururi were like one entity, the twins and Izaya were two separate beings, bound by hatred and relations.

And although they would never admit it, the hatred wasn't anywhere near to the obscene one that Shizuo and Izaya had. No – it was only present sometimes, because they also knew how to have fun as a family (if it can be called that). And furthermore, they supported each other so when Mairu and Kururi have almost gotten themselves kidnapped, Izaya was there to drag them out of trouble and call Shinra because of the drugs in their system. When Shizuo and Izaya broke up for the first time after three years, the girls were there to let Izaya cry and watch some movies later on (porn, seeing as Mairu was the one to choose them).

So when the girls heard that _Iza-nii_ is finally dead from a puffy-eyed Shizuo, they screamed and sobbed and whimpered into his shirt while he tried hard to be strong.

They both wore beautiful and colorful dresses on his funeral – Mairu chose a radiant pink with baby blue flowers on them and Kururi wore a long sleeved red dress with black fur trim. Izaya would have liked that – they always held contests about finding the craziest piece of clothing. Other relatives came too although they never even bothered to talk to Izaya before and wept fake tears for the_ lovely and kind young man._

After it was over, they sat above his grave (knowing that Shizuo is watching from afar) and talked to Izaya until they both fell asleep, on the ground.

In the morning, they found themselves on Shizuo's bed and found said man smoking on the balcony.

The world was grey and empty without their brother.


	8. AN

I am putting all my Durarara! fanfictions on hiatus. I know no one likes those 'looks like a chapter but is an author's note' things but here it is.

If I don't update by 1/1/2014 consider all those works dropped - in which case I may delete the ones I don't like.

I have a huge writer's block for this fandom and lost all interest in it. I will continue to write for Shingeki no Kyojin fandom from now on.

Don't lose hope though - I may still update some of them.

Sorry for the inconvenience.


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